Invisible - Unseen. Unnoticed.

In life, how can a person be deemed "invisible"? I think the answer to that is simple as I believe myself to fall short in living out loud and being confident of who I am in Christ. In asking myself that question, I have no good answer to justify my actions these past years. While I have been doing specific things (Czech Republic, Slovakia, student ministries) with the time God has provided me, I believe to be fully effective with the time God has given me is to live with the mindset that God is not just restricted to my free time but to all of my time. At times I realize this but I don't take it to heart, I don't live it out in my daily life. So am I here to coast through this time in my life and just live for God on the weekends?....No! Christ never did such a thing as He was always about His Father's work when He started His ministry. Change is needed in my life in regards to that area.

For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek.

- Romans 1:16

To succeed is at the very least to try even if failure is possible because even though failure could be a descriptor of the outcome, it can never be a descriptor of the experience or knowledge gained from such efforts.

I stand looking forward with hopeful expectations of things to come. I look on, eager to keep moving and gaining ground. Such beauty surrounds me from my lowly point of view. The path is not clearly marked. So many think that they know the way but who is to say that I'm heading in their direction. If I should end up at a different location than I intended, then so be it. I'll be alright with that as I will consider the journey worth it to have taken the risk to head towards the original destination. For learning is not about being content with what you comprehend but is the endeavor to understand what is not known. A successful journey is not void of risks, one of which is the choice to make that first step forward.

2008 has been quite monumental in my life in learning, growing, and understanding more about God. Things have been easy difficult during these past 12 months at different points. If I had known that things were going to be rough, would I have still endured them? Beyond all doubt I would have endured them and consequently learned from those experiences. Being comfortable is nice but what do I gain other than pleasure in my self. Rather, being willing to be stretched by God is worth all of the hardships that such experiences from this past summer, from school, and from life and friends. I look forward to much more learning, growing, and understanding this coming year as I have begun this past year to see and comprehend the value found in the humbling of one's own soul. And above all else, keep my focus on God.

The future is bright....

As holidays come and pass this season, I have to say that the time I enjoyed the most was not Christmas day or the upcoming New Years party I will inevitably be at Wednesday night, nor was it spending time with the family (which I do love to do), but rather the most enjoyable time I found this holiday season was in the solitude it brought with having no classes to attend or shifts to work. Sadly this is something that has seemed to disappear over the course of this past semester in school as there was always something I should have been doing. I have thoroughly enjoyed being in solitude with God this past week and a half in prayer and in the Bible and also in reading Humility by Andrew Murray. The subsequent thoughts, ideas, and challenges the previous four have provided me these past days have also been something that I have found to be provoking on spiritual, emotional, and physical levels, and thus a welcomed change in my life as it questions concepts that I have held fast to for years. This is not to say that I completely changed my way of thinking and how I view life, but rather I have tweaked my views and thinking to be more in line with the truths that God laid down. Spiritual growth is not a static thing but rather it is dynamic and directly impacts a person's emotional and physical being as well as how the person's view on life and what surrounds him or her.

So why have we gone to great strides to make our lives easier but in the process add more junk in where we have saved time with technology. To some it is a matter of image, to others it is the difference between being full or hungry. We have strayed from being dependent on God to being independent and self-centered. We have become addicted to the fast-paced whirlwind of life around us. So I urge you to take time and seek simplicity this holiday season and forget about what has to be done, even if it is only for a moment....

Over the past few weeks I have been reading Humility by Andrew Murray and I just wanted to share here some quotes that my mind has been chewing on.

...it is not sin that humbles but grace.

Humility, the place of entire dependence upon God, is from the very nature of things the first duty and the highest virtue of His creatures.

It is pride that made redemption necessary; it is from our pride that we need, above everything else, to be redeemed.

A lesson of deepest importance is that the only humility that is really ours is not the kind we try to show before God in prayer, but the kind we carry with us, and carry out, in our ordinary conduct.

The presence of God is not dependent upon times and seasons, but upon a soul ready to do His will and forget itself.

Being occupied with self, even having the deepest self-abhorrence, can never free us from self.

As we see how in their very nature pride and faith are irreconcilably at odds, we learn that faith and humility are at their root one, and that we can never have more of true faith than we have of true humility.

...How can I die to self? Death to self is not your work; it is God's work.

Nature never can overcome nature, not even with the help of grace. Self can never cast out self, even in the regenerate man.

Through trials and failures and troubles, [God] seeks to bring us to the place where His grace is everything.

Make [God's] glory your motivation to humble yourself; He will make your glory His motivation to perfect your humility.

This past semester of college has seen myself get derailed a number of times due to unforeseen or unexpected circumstances. Thus I find myself on tracks that I did not expect to find myself on. However, I am beginning to see the good in these changes. School has been extended a semester longer but now I will have my summers open and free. Options have opened up to go to Poland and possibly the Czech Republic as well. Most likely I'll be at ASU next fall but there is an option for other places....

For now, I will stay on the current track I'm on at this moment, this season of my life. I will stay this direction until God moves me either forcefully or through new avenues that may open down the line. As of now, I submit my self to God's will and trust in what He is doing and head towards....

the unknown.

as there are many fish in the sea.

Upon driving to ASU this morning to meet with my Saudi Arabian conversation partners, I heard a typical comment that one would hear during the Christmas holiday season on the radio.

"....as we get into the spirit of giving this season"

I must have missed the memo again....apparently society has decided that giving is not a year-wide expression to hold on to. Alright, I'm being melodramatic but it does not diminish the fact that something is inherently wrong with the aforementioned statement. I think this points to the depressing reality that society as a whole tends to promote materialism and possessiveness.

The question I press then is "should we not be generous other times of the year?" Or is Christmas relegated to be the sole time of year to have the 'spirit of giving'?

I'm lost when it comes to a lot of things:

• computer programming
  
• good music
• bad food
• attracting a significant other
• Rubik's cubes
• playing musical instruments
  

If someone were to ask where I see myself in the future, the daydreaming side of myself would easily say that I am graduated from Arizona State University with a baccalaureate degree in nursing and working at a hospital while also raising a family. However, I have to disagree with myself as the realistic side of myself would say that I have no idea what will happen in the near future. I am going to side with my realistic side here. I feel that the direction I am heading in is the correct direction. I cannot expect to stay heading in that one direction until I get to whatever goal I am hoping to achieve. There will be situations and events that will throw me off my course.....for better or worse.

At the moment however, I feel lost. I know what I want my end goal to be but how do I get there? What direction do I take? Are there other goals to travel to on the way? The irony of writing this is that the song "Trust" by Sixpence None the Richer just finished playing a moment ago. Below is some of the lyrics that I should take to heart.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
lean not on your own understanding
in all of your ways acknowledge Him
and He will make your paths straight
don't worry about tomorrow
He's got it under control
just trust in the Lord with all of your heart
and He will carry you through