The past few weeks have proved to be especially difficult. Its not so much a matter of what I busy my self with but more so the anxieties that have been plaguing me. I found it easy to say to my self "Don't focus on it" but really that did nothing to curb the welling fear of the uncertainty in the road ahead of me in terms of education and life. However, I kept trying my hardest to break from the depressing nature of such thoughts, but continually came to find that my own efforts, large or small, were to no avail. That is my weakness, I try to do everything with my own power rather than depending and waiting on God. Some may say that it is alright to worry about this thing or that but in thinking about it, I cannot get past the selfish nature of such thinking. Here I am thinking that my problems and uncertainties are the most important things in the world and that everything else can take its place behind them. How wrong I am!

These past few days God has done a lot to make me realize where my perspective should be. My perspective should not be focused on myself, but on God (Colossians 3:1) and those around me (Philippians 2: 3-4). What I mean by this is more than just taking them into consideration, but to manifest the love of Christ towards them over yourself in your actions. This could mean spending time with friends and really getting to know about what has been happening in their lives and how you could be praying for them. Gaining such a perspective of where I consider myself and my problems of the least significance to those of another person has been so freeing for me. This is exactly how Christ lived His life on earth. Christ made it a point to seek the interests of others by humbling Himself below that of His creation so that God's grace towards His creation would be made complete through the sacrificial death of Christ and His subsequent resurrection! (Philippians 2:5-8) God calls me to be obedient to Him in that I need to regard others as more important than my own worries or issues, not begrudgingly, but rather in a manner marked by obeisance. So while the future is still uncertain, I am excited for where God is leading me and even more excited for how He will use me to reach out to those in need!

My heart feels heavy as the realizations of what a few forthcoming acceptance letters could mean for my life for the next 2 years. But I have to ask my self what matters most if it comes down to deciding between schools. Sure I could go for the easy options and choose the least expensive or the most accessible, but is that where my heart lies? Do I desire the materialistic gratifications of the academically better schools, if those should be options, or is there something more that I desire at the smaller schools that would have a larger impact for Christ? I do not know how to reconcile these past 8 months. I am seeing my connections with friends and acquaintances slowly being severed. Also, I have never before felt so disconnected with Arizona State University or with the college group at my home church. In regards to how I serve student ministries at church, I have been feeling that it is time to move on.

Often times the obvious path, according to society's standards, is not the path to be taken. At this point I feel a strong sense to move on and take a new path for which the end is blocked from sight. Usually people like to know where they are going, it gives them a sense of security. However, at this point I feel so stifled by other people's expectations of me that I will gladly take another path, not to prove them wrong but to figure out what the desires of my heart are in pursuit of seeking to serve God with my life.

You will seek Me (God) and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. -Jeremiah 29:13

Where will I go from this point? I'm not sure but within at least 1 week, if not 3 weeks, God will tell me where I will be for the next 2 years.

For what reason is God stirring my heart and leading me to do things that I could not have imagined a few short months ago?

In the movie The Hiding Place, the ten Boom family hid Jews in Holland during WWII. When their actions were questioned by people in regards to why they were doing this, one of the daughters responded by saying, "The need is great. We must do what we can!"

How often is it that we ourselves resort to "hiding" when troubling times come even though we might not be the ones needing to be cared for? Too often. It is human nature to resort to self-preservation. However, this goes beyond something science tries to define as a natural instinct. Let's just face it, we are prideful and want others to fall (guilty or innocent) before we ourselves fall. I am not excluding myself from this group either.

Many times I find myself hiding my true thoughts about situations as a means to keep people happy or pleasant with me. After realizing I have done so I just want to kick myself for not being bold or courageous to actually speak up. This is a weakness that I have taken to praying about, that God might use me in some way and to seek Him out for the boldness to do so because I know that I don't have it. I want to see God work through me in such a way that I cannot rely on my own strength.

So are you hiding or are you "hiding" others?

The other night I found my self thinking about the word 'dating' and how society defines that word. For me, dating is not some magical threshold that once crossed opens the door to new ways of showing love. Instead, the whole process of forming a relationship with someone of the opposite gender is just that, a process. In thinking about the words used to define where we are in that relationship process, I have come to realize that people often misconstrue those words to mean something physical.

Take 'dating' for example. That word should define the portion of the timeframe of the relationship in which both persons have first become open and honest about how they think of the other person and where they want to head with this relationship with the understanding that this period of time is for getting to know the other person better and to the point of being able to decide if marriage is the right course of action or if ending the relationship is what needs to happen. Continuing with another example, the word 'marriage' should mean that two people have committed to loving one another through both the smooth and the rough times of life and is meant to be a lifelong commitment.

However, upcoming generations do not view 'dating' or 'marriage' as specific timeframes of a relationship but rather as physical descriptions of the status held by two individuals in relation to one another. This can be seen in the expressions that society uses to convey the physical relationship between two people with examples being as follows: 'seeing each other', 'going out', 'hooking up', 'tie the knot', etc. What has been lost is the deeper meanings behind dating and marriage. All that is left in society is the shallow meanings of the physical side which interestingly correlate to self-gratification rather than love for the other person.

The glory of God is man fully alive

- Saint Irenaeus

There are times when in the course of life I hope for the unexpected to happen, and sometimes it happens but most often it does not. But then there are times where I am not even hoping for the unexpected and I get a great surprise I could not have imagined. Just like the snow-covered mountains in this photo taken two years ago, could I be on the verge of yet another great surprise?

I hope so...

At Arizona State University (ASU) this semester, I am taking a course entitled Religion, Magick, and Science (REL 382). Its an interesting course in that the professor's focus is on the history behind how religion, magick, and science have been connected throughout the ages. There has been two ideas that he seems to keep touching back on and have come to intrigue me and on which I have and continue to dwell upon.

The first idea being people who become defensive and start snapping at another person when their faith is being questioned, even if it is only a discussion and not an attack. The professor would say that this happens because people are insecure in regards to their faith. Alright, I can agree with that. When a person is questioned in regards to what they believe to be true, I would expect them to hold strong to that belief, even if they cannot adequately explain why they believe what they believe. I would like to think that I would be able to handle questions that I cannot answer about my beliefs and still hold on to my faith without succumbing to defensive fighting. Faith is a crucial aspect as God did not call us to understand Him as much was we possibly can because that is impossible. What God called us to was to love Him and love others as much as you would love yourself. Love should be our prime focus through which God will teach us out of our desire to know Him more what we need to know in order to serve Him better!

The second idea that the professor brought up was about people, Christ-followers specifically, who avoid certain items (by touch, sight, or hearing) because such items have an association with a belief that is not biblically based. To me this seems ridiculous. If I were to look at figurines, statues, or drawings associated with another person's belief system, I would not be overcome by it to the point of withdrawing from it. Such items have no power over me or nature. They are powerless. Thus, I have no need to fear such things because I know God. I will even say that the Bible has no power as it is an inatimate object. There is only one Being that needs to be feared and that is God, not Satan.

At this precise moment in time, in the span of the ages, I desperately want to be certain that the economy will not affect my education and that I will graduate in 2.5 years. I want to be as certain of this just as I am of water falling due to gravity. However, I cannot be assured of anything. The economy is beyond my control. As more and more businesses fail and people get laid off and the education system gets slammed, I realize more and more the implications of trusting in God. My only escape can be found in God, not anything that I can do. Sure I can try my best to give myself options for the future but if that is done outside of seeking God then they are worthless. To be quite open, that is something that I have been learning about over this past year. I will say that I am not the best in seeking God out first explicitly when facing challenging situations and I have been seeking God out to change that in my life. For real change to take place in a person's life, that person needs to be seeking God out daily, both in the Bible and in prayer. Going to church once a week does not cut it! Daily we are prone to sin, thus daily we need to go to God with that in mind and with our shortcomings before us. Pray against your weaknesses, not only once a day but at any time from when you are at peace to when the temptations come. My weakness lately has been uncertainty in the future, especially my education. However, I do not need to be anxious (Matthew 6:25) with what happens as I know God is in control of all things. My life is not my own (Jeremiah 10:23) as it was bought at a price. In that I am certain.

Invisible - Unseen. Unnoticed.

In life, how can a person be deemed "invisible"? I think the answer to that is simple as I believe myself to fall short in living out loud and being confident of who I am in Christ. In asking myself that question, I have no good answer to justify my actions these past years. While I have been doing specific things (Czech Republic, Slovakia, student ministries) with the time God has provided me, I believe to be fully effective with the time God has given me is to live with the mindset that God is not just restricted to my free time but to all of my time. At times I realize this but I don't take it to heart, I don't live it out in my daily life. So am I here to coast through this time in my life and just live for God on the weekends?....No! Christ never did such a thing as He was always about His Father's work when He started His ministry. Change is needed in my life in regards to that area.

For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek.

- Romans 1:16

To succeed is at the very least to try even if failure is possible because even though failure could be a descriptor of the outcome, it can never be a descriptor of the experience or knowledge gained from such efforts.